“What on earth is that?” my friend asked, staring at the corkboard in my kitchen. On it, a piece of paper covered with writing and drawings, proudly bearing the title Summer Manifesto.
“Oh, it’s just a list of things we’d like to do this summer,” I answered, suddenly embarrassed by her tone. Was this yet another thing that normal people didn’t do? And if so, how did they keep track of all the different activities on offer, places to go, films to watch, stuff to try out?
That was a few years ago, but the Summer Manifesto has now become a tradition for us. Everyone is encouraged to come up with ideas, on the understanding that these are suggestions, and we might not be able to do all of them- it’s critical to manage expectations when dealing with Aspergers. Suggestions range from going to a particular park to swimming in the lake, having a picnic to going on holiday. The unlikelihood of being able to afford a holiday makes our Manifesto even more important when it comes to making our summers special. It means on days when there’s nothing planned we’ve got a ready made list of suggestions. It also lets me know what the kids’ priorities are, rather than me setting up activities they’re not that interested in, and that sometimes their wishes are remarkably simple. Plus it gives me a chance to look in advance for Groupon offers for things we might not otherwise try.
I’m a firm believer that kids need downtime, so I don’t pack every hour of every day with non-stop activities. In fact it’s vital to build in Decompression Days after a big day out to prevent everyone getting overtired and overstimulated and generally hellish. The flip side of that is that it’s easy to let the school holidays slip away without really having done much. Having a manifesto means I can make sure we’ve got at least one activity or outing planned for each week, rather than realising we’re into the final few days of the holidays and need to cram it all in at the last minute. It makes it more likely that I’ll have thought about things in advance and therefore have time to invite a friend to join us. The main benefit is that by the end of the summer, we’ll have had a bundle of good experiences as a family which otherwise wouldn’t have happened. Given the nastiness of the divorce, I’m keen to pack as many positive experiences in as I can before the kids are grown in the hope of giving them at least some happy memories to look back on.
The Manifesto also lays out expectations around chores etc, making it clear that no electronic gadgets are to be used until chores have been done. When the kids were younger, the rule was they had to choose 2 out of 3 activities; something creative, something educational, or something helpful. Allowing them to make a choice made them feel more empowered, meaning it was more likely that they’d cooperate with what was basically an attempt to make sure that they didn’t spend all day every day watching TV or playing on the computer. This year, aged 13 and 15, I’m just laying down the law as to what needs doing around the house; if it doesn’t get done, the planned activity isn’t going to happen. I’d really like to encourage Lily to spend some time studying as she enters her final GCSE year – it’s unlikely that I’ll achieve this without a massive amount of conflict though.
So on Day One of the school holidays we sat down together to work on this year’s Manifesto, complete with a Pinterest inspiration board to back it up with. This year’s suggestions vary from make smoothies to have a campfire to fix up the bikes and go for a ride, all the way up to hold a festival in our garden. Allrighty then, I’ll see if I can get The Killers booked in for next Thursday, and maybe a Portaloo or two. Like I said, it’s an ideas list so everything is allowed but not everything will happen. Alongside it is a weekly planner sheet to write on the day’s activities and chores, plus any reminders about appointments etc. It’s what works for us, another example of how ADHD requires us to be more organised in a way that has other people describe us as OCD or anal or asking What on earth is that? Whatever. On the second day of the holidays we were running round shooting each other at Laser Tag, which wouldn’t have happened without the Manifesto. Next week it’s Tubing at the nearby ski centre, courtesy of Groupon. We all want to think of ourselves as spontaneous but it’s worth planning for fun; the sands of time will keep on trickling through the hourglass of our days regardless of whether or not we’ve planned for them. Let’s try and make sure that some of life sparkles on its way past.